My journey thus far with being a part of blogger, ASL teacher for children hospitals, and writing a children book. It has brought back so many reflections. Both sweet and sour. I’m surrounded with strangers and students who are excited to be learning ASL. I keep thinking to myself… why can’t everyone be like that? More so, why can’t some of my family be like that? Or those who do know sign, why are they not fighting hard enough with us to encourage the non-signing family members to sign? How can one NOT SIGN front of Ember who is KODA? I get too deep that sometimes it’s painful, BUT must remind myself that I can choose my OWN family – blood or not. And…. turn the pain into something greater and bigger than myself. Watch the video below and there are transcript below the video for non-signers.
The importance of family holiday together goes way beyond nourishing tummies…it helps grow strong, secure Kids of Deaf Adults (“KODA”) children.
I’d love to share with you all something. That is very important to my family, my husband and my daughter are hearing. We believe in eating dinner as a family when we can. My husband and I made sure our daughter uses her sign language at table.
My daughter have benefited in so many ways by getting to spend quality time with both sets of grandparents and aunts/uncles. They have also grown socially by having this predictable schedule that they really look forward to like holidays and birthdays.
I am only deaf mother in families.
Some of them knows sign language and others don’t. It does affects my daughter. It caused her confusion about the rules Dad and I made at meal table about lack of access for me.
Is it their responsible to learn sign language? It would be nice but no they all are not required but a choice which will be nice. Do I want my husband to interpreter everything what they are saying? No, I don’t want my husband to do that because I wants him to enjoy. It’s his choices and he do interpreter for me to make sure I have access. I really appreciated his hard work. Is it Ember my daughter to learn become interpreter for family meals? No, it’s not her job! She needs to learn to make sure she is a strong KODA to have both communication access for her mother.
It’s family (Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles) job to use their acknowledge to accept their family member is deaf. They must use sign language or use paper with pens ready to show their appreciation towards us, Deaf family members. I must be very honest with you all. Holiday with families is not my favorite part of things to do. It is sucks. I felt like I am ghost for almost whole of my life. When I go home feeling very isolated after visiting family for holidays. Right now, I am doing it for my daughter’s sake.
So, want to start your own extended family holiday with better communication access and a better role model for KODA?
Great!
Here is how we started ours.
Before going to a family house and make sure you are remind your KODA to use sign language with voice.
For extended family make sure you have paper and pen or cellphone ready on the table to communication or use your sign language.
PLEASE be very honest with yourself. If you are struggling for not understanding sign language, don’t ever give up or be fake saying you understand but same time you don’t really understand. Please if you are struggling just grab paper and pen or cellphone to use it. It won’t make you look bad. It will make you look bad if you are fake with nodding your heading. You tell deaf family member “I will tell you later” or “Never mind I don’t have time”. You leave them to chat with other who can speak.
Do you want your KODA raise like that with lack of communication access? Of course not! Holiday family time are supposed to be fun and relaxing. We, deaf members, are supposed to have theirs too includes their KODA too.
My husband and I do have one small “rule” during our dinner time together with our daughter. We are trying to make it more fun for example my husband and daughter realized it’s hard to eat foods and speaking same time which it’s gross, so they do have hands to use sign language. Make sense?
Do you want a family holiday together in sign language to raise a strong KODA for their future?
Think about it.
There is so much to unpack and learn in this post! Thank you!